The Five Love Languages: Physical Touch

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

By: Gary Chapman

 

Affection can be defined as tender feelings of love that are expressed to another person. Notice that there are two parts to the definition: (1) tender feelings of love and (2) expressing those feelings to another person. Showing affection is a necessary way to honor and nurture one another. It helps keep love flourishing in your relationship. Affection in marriage needs to be deliberately maintained. Just as you work to improve your relationship with the Lord on a daily basis, you need to work to improve your relationship with your spouse on a daily basis.
We have long known the emotional power of physical touch. That’s why we pick up babies and touch them tenderly. Long before an infant understands the meaning of the word love, he or she feels loved by physical touch.In marriage, the love language of physical touch includes everything from putting a hand on your mate’s shoulder as you walk by, touching his or her leg as you’re driving together, and holding hands while you’re walking to kissing, embracing and sexual intercourse. If physical touch is your spouse’s primary love language, nothing communicates love more clearly than for you to take the initiative to reach out and touch your mate.

 

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The Five Love Languages: Quality Time

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

By: Gary Chapman

If your spouse’s love language is quality time, giving him or her your undivided attention is one of the best ways you can show your love. Some men pride themselves on being able to watch television, read a magazine, and listen to their wives, all at the same time. That is an admirable trait, but it is not speaking the love language of quality time.

Instead, you must turn off the TV, lay the magazine down, look into your mate’s eyes, and listen and interact. To your spouse, 20 minutes of your undivided attention – listening and conversing – is like a 20-minute refill of his or her love tank.

Men, if you really want to impress your wife, the next time she walks into the room while you are watching a sporting event, put the television on mute and don’t take your eyes off her as long as she’s in the room. If she engages you in conversation, turn the TV off and give her your undivided attention. You will score a thousand points and her love tank will be overflowing.

  1. Make Date Nights a weekly event. Even if you can’t afford a babysitter, plan a night at home that is yours alone.
  2. When your spouse asks to talk to you about something, put your smart phone or iPad down and make eye-contact with them while they speak.
  3. Use the questions from Connect Like You Did When Your First Met on a regular basis to enrich your conversation about things you might not think to discuss.
  4. Go to bed at the same time, even if at times you have to get up after they’ve fallen asleep. It’s meaningful for them to know that you’ve purposed to spend that time right before sleep together.
  5. Go for walks together after dinner. Even if the kids join you, the time spent will mean a lot.

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The Five Love Languages: Receiving Gifts

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

By: Gary Chapman

In his book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman writes:

A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say “Look, he was thinking of me,” or, “She remembered me.” You must be thinking of someone to give him a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought.

In every society throughout human history, gift giving has been perceived as an expression of love. Giving gifts is universal, because there is something inside the human psyche that says if you love someone, you will give to him or her.

What many people do not understand is that for some people, receiving gifts is their primary love language. It’s the thing that makes them feel loved most deeply. If you’re married to someone whose primary love language is gift giving, you will make your spouse feel loved and treasured by giving gifts on birthdays, holidays, anniversaries and “no occasion” days. The gifts need not be expensive or elaborate; it’s the thought that counts. Even something as simple as a homemade card or a few cheerful flowers will communicate your love to your spouse. Little things mean a lot to a person whose primary love language is receiving gifts.

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

 

The Five Love Languages: Acts of Service

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

By: Gary Chapman

Do you remember the old saying, “Actions speak louder than words”? For some people, that is particularly true of love. If acts of service is your spouse’s primary love language, nothing will speak more deeply to him or her emotionally than simple acts of service.

For people who have “acts of service” as their primary love language, helpful acts are seen as very powerful expressions of love and devotion. Actions like cooking a meal, setting a table, washing dishes, vacuuming, taking out the garbage, mowing the grass, etc. are all acts of service. If done with a positive spirit and without expecting something in return, they are indeed expressions of love.

Within every language, there are many dialects. If you have a significant other with acts of service as his/her primary love language, find out the specific things he/she would like by asking. If you are the person with that specific love language, let your spouse know which actions mean the most to you.

Here are a few ideas of acts of kindness you can make a part of the every day routine for your partner:

  1. During the cold months, put a towel in the dryer while your spouse is showering so it’s all fluffy and warm when he/she gets out.
  2. Clean the kitchen or bathroom
  3. Men: Be a gentleman and walk on the “dangerous” side of the road so she feels protected.
  4. Fix things that the other can’t fix.
  5. Buy or make him/her lunch and bring it to him/her at work, even if (especially if) it’s out of your way.
  6. Cook a special meal that you know he/she likes.
  7. Fill up your gas tank without being asked.
  8. Drop your spouse at the door when it is raining.
  9. Men: Open car doors for your wife.
  10. Go to the grocery store and buy items you know he/she loves—without being asked.

Let Your Help Come from the Heart

Make sure you are helping and giving because you want to; however, don’t overextend yourself and feel resentful for doing the lion’s share of the giving. Acts of Service lovers don’t want people helping them out of obligation. They love a cheerful helper! A happy smile and a helping hand translates to, “You are the best and I love you!” And if your honey does speak the language of Service, he or she will probably be serving you a lot as well. After all, it comes naturally for them!

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The Five Love Languages: Words of Affirmation

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

By: Gary Chapman

Words of Affirmation

“If this is your love language, you feel most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are, how much they appreciate you, etc.”

An example given by Gary Chapman goes as follows “One time when my wife and I were visiting our daughter and son-in-law and our two grandchildren, our son-in-law took the garbage out after dinner. When he walked back into the room where we were talking with our daughter, she looked up and said, “John, thanks for taking the garbage out.”

Inside I said, “Yes!” because I knew the power of appreciation. I can’t tell you how many men and women have sat in my office over the past 30 years and said to me, “I work my tail off every day, yet my spouse acts like I haven’t done a thing. I never get a single word of appreciation.”

This is one of the toughest for men especially because modern men are taught to be tough, emotionless bread winners, who make money and take care of the family. In many ways this can be good but we have to be sure to take care of our spouses emotionally in addition to physically. BE GOOD AT THE FREE STUFF. Compliments are free. Showing your appreciation by saying thank you or sending a text midday about how beautiful you think your spouse is doesn’t cost a dime and a lot of time mean even more.

If your spouse’s primary love language is words of affirmation, your spoken praise and appreciation will fall like rain on parched soil. Before long, you will see new life sprouting in your marriage as your spouse responds to your words of love.

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The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

By: Gary Chapman

Are you and your spouse speaking the same language? While love is a many splendored thing, it is sometimes a very confusing thing, too. And as people come in all varieties, shapes, and sizes, so do their choices of personal expressions of love. But more often than not, the giver and the receiver express love in two different ways. This can lead to misunderstanding, quarrels, and even divorce.

Not many authors can claim to have forever changed their industry with one of their books. That is exactly what Dr. Gary Chapman did with The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.

Dr. Chapman explains how important it is for couples to understand how each other and themselves both give and receive love. It is possible for couples to truly love each other, but to truly feel unloved because they don’t think the same about giving and receiving love.

Everybody generally has their own primary love languages for receiving love and giving love. It may be the same for giving/receiving, and it may be different. If a husband does not meet the primary love language of his wife, she might not sense his true feelings and start to be unsatisfied with their relationship.

Quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch are the five basic love languages. Dr. Gary Chapman identifies these and guides couples towards a better understanding of their unique languages of love. Learn to speak and understand your mate’s love language, and in no time you will be able to effectively love and truly feel loved in return. Skillful communication is within your grasp!

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